So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
