fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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