Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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