just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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