Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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