I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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