Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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