just tell him i said nine months
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
