I smell stomach acid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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