i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
