I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
