Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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