Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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