someone get that fucking seahorse.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
