You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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