I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
