i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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