as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
