he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
