Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
