I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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