I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
