this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
