I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
