omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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