You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
