I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
