Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
