1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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