so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i out mim tonsoeep
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