No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
