I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We're like a lot better than the average bears
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
