so that wasnt chicken after all
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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