The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i think my cat just said my name.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize