They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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