watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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