Already got asked if we're dating
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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