I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
