There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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