Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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