Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
