scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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