My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
