I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
