can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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