If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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