Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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