youre lurking in front of me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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