Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
