I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
