he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
