you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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