it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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