the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
