Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
