booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
