oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
