i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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