..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
