my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
