you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
