i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
