had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
