He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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