As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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