I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
