My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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