This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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