Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
