i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
