it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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