Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
