I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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