i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
