remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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