Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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