By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
