you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
