the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
