Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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